C'mon Dad!

One of my yearbook students, a girl, came to me on Thursday last and asked me what her grade was in the class. I told her that no one was going to get less than a "B" but some students would get an "A" because, for one thing, they did more work than others in the class.

She objected in her usual very calm and composed voice, "That's not fair because we're not all the same."

"Exactly. And because you are not all the same you didn't all do the same amount or quality of work. And therefore you don't all get the same grade." That she knew she was on the "B" list went without saying -- she didn't even have to ask.

She continued to object using the same argument and we went in circles for about a few exchanges until I "had" to go and help some one. The bad thing is that she's a composed loudmouth prima donna in the class so I knew this would circulate amongst the other "B" students.

So I called her pa and asked him to explain to his daughter what my grading criteria for the class was. I told him that some students had put in a great deal of extra time in completing not only their own yearbook page, but extra pages. Some students had stepped up and helped out in ways that others had not, and those students would be rewarded with an "A."

The dad told me, "Well, I'm going to have to talk to my daughter. I have your side of the story but now I need to hear hers."

WHAT?! Do you think I'm lying about something here, sir? I've only asked you to explain to your daughter what my grading criteria is?!

So I said, "There's no dispute here, 'Mr. Jones.' I would only like for you to explain to your daughter what my grading criteria is."

"OK," he said weakly, "I'll talk to her." I could tell be his tone that he had already lost this "battle" with his 14 year old daughter.

"C'mon Mr. Milqetoast! Take charge. Don't let your daughter dictate the terms for your family."

This is the problem with many fathers today: they are not in charge of their family.

So the next day I asked the girl if her father had talked with her. Her answer showed clearly that he had, but it didn't make any difference. She was just as disgruntled as ever and, as far as she was concerned, the battle will rage on the next time I discuss her grade with her. Why? Because that's how it works in her family. She continues to argue with her parents until she gets her way. Her parents are the enablers here.

It's the egalitarianism that I've mentioned in a previous post. Many students don't see themselves as subordinate to their own parents, let alone a teacher. So they argue, pitifully, until their parents fold. It works again and again for them so they continue to do it.

How did we get to this point? How will we get back?